Hm where do I start this? I have so little to say it's crazy you guys have a tiny bit of catching up to do.

I spent most of my time developing a new shader system for my 3D stuff. Going for an "xerox stipple airbrush fuzz" look. I'm pretty happy with it; I just have to figure out how to composite. If I could get rough edges around my 3D objects it would be PERFECT.



Another thing I've been working on is KILLING THIS WEBSITE. Kidding. Heh.

I don't mind writing at all. It actually helps a bunch in actually translating my thoughts into human words before I throw them all up. And some ideas I want to convey are probably better off written anyway. It's just, I've been struggling to find my writing "voice" that sounds like me. Of course of course entirely different medium without all the subtle tone indicators you get with speech so it makes sense. But I've been thinking of making some video logs on top of my written ones.

It's so weird how different people's text can be from their spoken words. Most people online default to the all lower case style of speaking that I just love oh so very much. Like it has it has its place but when every single sentence you type is lowercase it loses all of its punch. I kinda see it as an "aside" like when you're being self aware about something you said before like a "yep…that just happened" (kill me). Oh and I hate the use of lowercase letters with the double exclamation point at the end. It's probably the twitter talking but it seems so damn passive aggressive. I feel like all of these different texting styles have specific use cases that when brought together can actually express a lot more than boring "correct" grammar but whatever.

I think my writing has evolved a tiny bit since starting this website. I don't spam caps like I used to. My sentences are sometimes shorter and punchier. After Red discovered my website and started reading (well more like stuttering) through it I realized that I leaned way too hard into the middle school diary book series protag type writing.

Anyway. While I appreciate the conciseness of writing, I do want an outlet where I can meander on and go on side tangents. I also want to create a comfy, liminal, kinda alone-but-not-lonely atmosphere where I can just talk about whatever while playing video games or something. I don't feel that vibe from this website yet, so I guess I have a lot of work to do. Also with writing, I have to get up, sit on my uncomfy ass chair, open up OneNote, and type in my cold room. I feel like some 1800s author writing with feather and quill by candlelight, just without the coziness. So I end up feeling sore or getting bored, leaving a lot of logs unfinished.

You know those old school CoD/Minecraft videos where people just talk about their lives while playing? They've been making a resurgence lately and I've been LOVING IT. I want to make those types of videos too, just with the heh shrubster touch if you know what I'm sayin hehe. One of my favorite youtubers did one of those videos awhile back (check this man out if it's the last thing you do) and I finally decided that it's my turn.

Just two teensy issues. One, I would have to play games on my uncomfortable ass PC to capture the footage. I would much rather play on my bed… if I can find a long enough HDMI cable and use that steam console thingy maybe I could achieve that. Or I can just use placeholder footage? Thought I will have to get it from someone else and I don't really like doing that. Two, I go on LONG side tangents and quickly forget what I was talking about originally. Literally look at this log, all I wanted to say was that I wanted to make video logs and here we are like 10 paragraphs in holllyyyyyyy. and these are my somewhat filtered thoughts. I'll probably have some notes about what I want to talk about specifically though.

That's all that's stopping me. I already made a background and everything. I always find myself struggling with the easy stuff and breezing past the hard stuff oml.



Welp, that's the important stuff out of the way. Errmmmmm I stopped talking to Yakuza girl. Our interactions were very one sided , which is completely understandable not even going to think about playing the blame game. Logically I get it, tho I was pretty bummed out subconsciously. I felt really embarrassed, especially since I did a whole introduction after the last log. I got a pretty lukewarm response, nothing bad, but it was very obvious that I would be putting in all the work. Once again COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE as I am a random mf on DISCORD of all places. I still got actual school to look forward to. Hopefully I'll meet the yakuza fan best friend of my dreams… that actually wants to talk to me.

I'll save the rest of whats On My Mind™ (hehe foreshadowing) for the video log. I REALLY want to get this set up before summer ends. I actually feel really excited for these videos, even though it's probably the lowest effort thing I could do. Perhaps I'll throw in some animations and images that relate to whatever I talk about. I don't think I'm gonna completely stop writing logs, and I'm definitely going to put each video on this website. Though I may start restructuring things here aesthetically to reflect the video logs. IDK man let's just see how it goes.

Oh and forgot to mention I also miss making my longform videos. Eh I'll delve into that in the actual OMM (yes we are calling them OMMs get used to it)