Yeah I got stood up.

Told you I was done with the bait and switches. Though I guess the lack of a bait and switch could be a bait and switch in and of itself…

It didn't even click until yesterday, man. Like damn.

So onto what happened. After last log's hangout, I was GIDDY AS HELL HOLYYY. Clicking my heels while walking outside. The sun was brighter, the air cleaner. How life feels when you don't get brutally beaten to death for trying to hang out with someone fr. A couple other things happened that made me even happier. My YT was gaining some traction, got a really nice email that actually gave me life. Things were going so good that I knew that it wasn't gonna last.

Like seriously. The first thought I had after the hype died down was "yeah things are too positive when is it gonna start going downhill". Goes to show how cooked my life can be at times. But I tried to forget about all of that and pulled up to the function.

I arrived 10 minutes late because I heard that's what you’re supposed to do for parties (I've unsurprisingly never been invited to one…). Well, party is a strong term… this was hosted by the Animation club and was advertised as a "Halloween Gala" so it was really more of a school event. But I was still real excited man. I was expecting strobing lights, Top 100 songs by artists you've never heard of blaring at mega-decibel levels (seriously who tf is sombr this dude cannot be real). AND A BOWL OF FRUIT PUNCH WITH A LADLE!!! It was a costume function, too. So like yknow man maybe like yknow like some cosplay baddie would take notice of my lil goofy self and yknow I'll start hitting the moves yknow and I'll wake up in the next city with a searing pain in my ass YKNOWWWWWW HOW IT BE HAHA. My expectations were so high that I actually had to use the bathroom because I was so nervous.

I open the double doors and I'm BLASTED with… a test room. With annoyingly warm, even lighting. And the Living Tombstone playing in the background. Wtf was this man. Then I remembered, that this gala was being hosted by the Animation club AND the Cosplay club AND the Anime club. That is a crazy 3 hit combo idk why my expectations were so high. I don't even like the parties I described above, but I was so bored of my day to day that I wanted something DIFFERENT. This was just the same as all the other club functions I went too. With half the people anxiously standing around/on their phones and the other half already in their friend groups. Sure, it probably woulda been the same at a "traditional" party. But the lights and crappy music would've covered it up and I would feel a whole heck of a lot cooler standing in the corner. Standing in the corner here just made me look like a chud man "NOOOO YOU DON'T GET IT I'M ONLY GONNA STAND ALONE!!! STANDING ALONE STILL GETS YOU AURA!!!".



I didn't see any of the Mystery Gang here…oh man. The night was still young though, so I decided to wait. I talk to these two guys who were chilling. One of 'em was dressed as a Vault 106 dweller from Fallout, which was pretty cool. Fallout dude was only there for the pizza, and the other guy was his emotional support buddy so he didn't look like a jestermaxxed ltn soyboy chud like me. So over.

We talk about Fallout (he had a REALLY WELL MADE custom laser pistol that he made himself. It was so good I thought it was store bought, and I'm a dude who's pretty well-versed in making props). His emotional support buddy leaves to attend another function. My left ear was so blocked with wax that I could barely hear what he was saying anyway.

I look around and notice YAKUZA GIRL is here. Dressed up as KIRYU KAZUMA. I haven't been talking about her on here but I've actually been seeing her around a lot lately. She's been thriving bro oh my god. She was apart of the team that got FAN FAVORITE and BEST VISUALS at our college's game jam. I actually hate-played the game with a friend because I was seething so hard. Seems that she got friends, too. It's so freaking over man. She was sitting alone for a bit actually. I should've gone up to her but I'm still SO EMBARRASSED over the discord thing. Like am I really supposed to say "hey I'M THE GUY THAT COLD APPROACHED YOU ON DISCORD AND SENT YOU A PHOTO OF MY FACE TO INTRODUCE MYSELF!!! Nice to meet you shawty!!" yeah I didn't mention the face thing out of shame. I thought that since I knew what she looked like, she should know what I looked like!!! God I can't even look at the DM anymore. It was so brutal because she didn't even introduce herself after (not as if she really had to…). I felt like such an beta orbiter.

BUT before I could dwell on that for too long, I saw Cod! Finally someone from the Mystery Gang. He sits next to me and I ask him where everyone else is. He doesn't know himself. Haha yeah that makes sense.

Bro what.

The way he was movin with the rest of 'em I thought they were thick as thieves. But apparently he just pulls up to these functions and hopes that they pull up too. Like what. I then ask why he doesn't just message them and he says that he doesn't want to make it seem that he's only going to these things because they're going. Which is respectable I guess but I ONLY SHOWED UP BECAUSE I THOUGHT THEY WERE GONNA SHOW UP TOO. I don't got a costume, the party was kinda lame, I had no reason to be here outside of them. While I'm explaining all this to Cod I call them the "Mystery Gang" and for some reason the term stuck for the rest of the night so yeah that's why they're named that. Yep.

Anyway I message Ari asking if he's gonna show up, because he's the only dude outside of Cod whose socials I have. Delivered. Brutal (I've been watching too many BP videos and DBDR holy smokes).

Literally nothing was happening. There was supposed to be a costume contest but that was like an hour in. So me, Cod, and Fallout Guy just talked about video games and how Xbox is done for and how Pokemon fans are cooked and yada yada. Costume contest happened, Toy Hatsune Miku deservedly won, but I voted Knives Chau for fan favorite because Scott Pilgrim is literally me. I start walking around and ask all the people in cosplay to do stuff. Like I asked Joseph Joestar to hit the Joestar family technique, asked Tenna to say the line, asked Vigilante to do the opening dance. I even shouted at everyone at the function to watch him dance but these guys thought I was just complimenting his costume. At least I tried to seize the day. But man we were running out of things to do and the Mystery Gang STILL haven't showed up yet.

The only saving grace I had was the karaoke they were hosting after the costume contest. My plan was that I was gonna go up and sing MACHINE GUN KISS (because I got the whole song memorized) and make it out to the person dressed as Kiryu Kazuma aka Yakuza Girl oh my god I'm cringing so hard writing this. Then she'll be like "omg it's the jestermaxxed betabuxxed soyboy chud orbiter who thought he was him singing his heart out!! Omgggg I want to be friends with him now soooo badly oh GOD I NEED HIM NOW AWAAHWHAWHA" im so cooked.

By the time the karaoke started she was gone. And the guy that went first decided to sing Baka Mitai. So it was over before it even began she woulda said all that about him instead.

Me and Cod decide to dip and he gives me some more lore about the friend group. Apparently they used to have a 5th dude but he got kicked out for being an asshole or something. And the Mystery Gang's schedules just never align. We talked about how you kinda outgrow your old highschool friend group once you get to college and meet more people similar to you. We talked about performative activism. We talked about all sorts of stuff. Honestly W mans I know I keep focusing on the Mystery Gang but this dude was more than enough on his own. I was kinda feeding off his disappointment that the rest of the Mystery Gang didn't show which is why it may sound like I thought the whole thing was a waste of time. But I was completely ok with the fact that it was just me and Cod against the world that night.

We even stop by their apartment. So I guess I know where they live now. Hehe.

While walking around we see two of Cod's friends. One of 'em was Nigerian (I'm Nigerian, fyi), and she hit me with the Yoruba. She was cool, pretty extroverted. May have fantasized about falling in love right there and then haha just playing I'm too cool for that haha yeah.

And that's that. We walk over to Cod's car, say our goodbyes, and I head back to my dorm. Ari actually replies to the text I sent him. He wasn't feeling all too well so he couldn't pull up, which is completely valid.

Idk man, it's been a week since the gala and I don't really know what to do anymore. I've been locked in on the next video, but outside of that I've just been watching Panty and Stocking and taking long walks. I'm not bummed out at all, mostly because I really feel that I'm developing as a creative and I'm starting to make myself relatively known out here (aka 4 people know of my existence). I'm SO unmotivated for school it's not even funny. Like I'm still making time to study and get my assignments done but if I have to do anything outside of attending lecture and studying an hour a day, then I ain't doing it.

Yknow how I am. Completely fine with chilling alone, but will still try to make an effort to socialize. But I'm kinda burnt out from socializing man. From constantly having to "seize the day!!" and "put myself out there!!" and attending events. Now I just want to be left alone and work on my projects, but I'm so CLOSE to having friends out here. Dudes I can get food with or hop on the game with or watch movies with. Who are also working on their personal projects. Can talk about all the geeky stuff I reference here. Heck maybe I can attend a convention with 'em too. But if the only way I can hang out with these guys is pulling up to school functions and wishing upon a star that they're also there, then I may have to cut my losses.

Like bro I lost all my social energy. Before I was so sure that I wasn't going to actually make friends that I was willing to act however I wanted because "who cares??". Asking dumb questions, doing stuff that I thought would be funny, just being a fool. I could write about it here and add it to the story of the down-on-his-luck young geezer trying his best in this crazy world. But now that it has actually kinda paid off, I'm suddenly concerned with how these guys perceive me? If I still saw them as some unreachable goal I prolly woulda texted them about some BS. But now I got no idea what to say. I got so caught up in the journey that when I reached the destination I dunno what to do. Crap is there a name for this phenomena?

WAIT. I JUST LEARNED THERE'S A CONVENTION HAPPENING THIS WEEKEND. Its uh 30 minutes away and I kinda don't have a car but maaaaybe they'll be going too??? Yo wait this could be it. I have a feeling that they aren't going but it'll be an excuse to message 'em!!! AND EVEN IF THEY AREN'T GOING, I'LL GET TO PLAY SONIC RIDERS (my favorite racing game) WITH OTHER PEOPLE AT THE CON!! We are so back, social energy is 100% recharged. LET'S GOOOOOOO

yeah I asked Cod. he ain't going. so that probably means the rest of 'em aint either. Damn. But I still want to go to this thing so I'm gonna scheme up a plan.