hey hello hi lotta stuff happened. Went back home for a bit, chilled with friends, hung out with a GIRL. yeah that's right. I invited a GIRL out. It was uh strictly a hang out and it was at a uh warhammer shop but doesn't matter, hung out with a female humanoid. Time for you to leave, I'm no longer relatable anymore. From chud to chad. From soyboy cuck to bigman stan. From calling them foids to calling them bitches. Now I can move on from you incel losers who think all women are sluts and deserve to be abused and start talking to awesome dudebros who also think all women are sluts but DO the abusing!!! at least they aren't virgins though haha (read that like the bully from the Simpsons)

but I don't really feel like writing about all that. I'm going to talk about another girl that I briefly mentioned a LONG while back. LeShawna, but she'll be called Ella Maria de Garcia Francisco Martinez for long (she's mexican). or Lulz for short. yeah

last year (wow it really has been a year now), my friends were on demon time. Red and another guy I'll call Mink. Red and Mink wanted to talk to girls. all they talked about were girls. but since we are all geeks on the streets of Loser town, girls usually didn't talk to us. Unsurprisingly.

Honestly you have to be a certain type of guy to casually find yourself in relationships with women. A guy who can actually initiate and pursue. Red has this capability, which is how he was able to get a nice lil psychotic harlot (who promptly broke up with him, hence his demon time). Mink is kinda like a stone block and doesn't realize that unless you're a super model, you're going to have to actively push yourself into someone else's life, especially in these modern times.

BUT while these modern times have made it pretty DAMN HARD to talk to people IRL, it's EASIER THAN EVER to talk to people online. Red hopped on Wizz, while Mink sold his soul to the (shin megami tensei) digital devil (saga) and hopped on the only place with Voice Chat/Anime/Chill/Social/Emojis/VC/egirl/100+ GUILD TAGS...

The number one (1) most Active Chat & VC [700+ Users 24/7]

DAAAAADDDDDDSSSSSSCCCCCCOOOOORRRRRDDDDDD!!!!

dadscord. Mink hopped on a voice chat discord server called dadscord. he was on Wizz and OkCupid, too, but dadscord was his main. He was also on a black dating app? He's not black. He's actually pretty racist. Behind every white supremacist is their non-white girlfriend I guess.

as for me, I was uh also kinda on demon time because of those two goobers BUT BUT BUT I wanted to work for it!!! I was learning HTML so I can make a really cool spacehey profile and talk to cool girls who were underground enough to know about spacehey AND creative/skilled enough to make a sick profile. Then I learned that Spacehey was real popular with the TikTok Y2k scene crowd and had premade layouts. so I ended up interacting with boring zoomers who were roleplaying the 2000s. that was a bust. damn. at least I got this website out of it

I'm blabbering. I'm not going to stop blabbering, but I just wanted to acknowledge it. You're welcome.

Mink is actually a really good conversationalist. He knows a lot about everything, ranging from pop culture to ornithology to economics. He's also borderline insane which makes him hilarious. Perfect combination for a place like dadscord.

You have to strike a balance with women on dadscord. You don't want to be a complete jester who dances for their entertainment because literally every guy does that on there. But you also don't want to be some super serious nice guy "ugh guys are the worst, right?" type dude because the jesters will derail any somewhat deep conversation you're having and for some damn reason women love humoring clowns who are just there to bang. You got to be a bit of both, and uh also go for interesting people because there are A LOT Of chicks who are just there for the male attention.

And that's how Mink met Lulz. He balanced the jester with the conversationalist and she found him cool enough that they actually continued talking. they talked a lot actually. calls that would span for hours. playing all sorts of games together (uh chess and minecraft). Lulz... was ACTUALLY COOL!! well, she was tiktok alternative but just edgy and tomboyish enough where she didn't make you want to blow your brains out. And she was good at drawing. you know even I, in all my infinite nonchalantness, wouldn't mind talking to her...

anywho Lulz was a bit too much of a tomboy in the sense that she was uh racist as hell. Mink is also racist as hell but he was throwing stones from a glass house and hence didn't like it when HIS race got clowned on.

he was also pissed off that she would talk about other, cuter guys in front of him because he (obviously) liked her. so when he said he was gonna stop talking to her I swooped in INSTANTLY. ok ok may sound like an L move but you gotta realize that back then I was a nerd geek who could only IMAGINE talking to women. a far far cry from me now, a total freaking chad who hangs out with girls IRL. the one girl I met on spacehey was a chick from ALBANIA who used me as an emotional tampon for venting about her BLACK BOYFRIEND (yes, BLACK!!! AFRICAN AMERICAN!!!!) who lived in FLORIDA. then instantly dropped me to simp for my other friend oh my god I just remembered that story. I'm going to add a comic of what happened once I get back to my PC trust

anyway I wasn't going to let mink throw away the only cool girl I've known so far because he couldn't handle a lil cyber hate crime or two. so I start talking to Lulz. I say a lil too much about Mink's feelings about her and how he used to jokingly call her a "discord kitten", Lulz' latina friend (I hope you can infer the adjective you put before "latina" in any context) hears this and pulls the "she's a MINOR you sick FUCK". we all freak out and Mink thinks latina friend is going to get him expelled. Lulz literally doesn't care. and I'm back talking to Lulz like nothing happened :D

alright I set the stage. I've never been SO CONFUSED about how women are until I talked to Lulz. Like I know I said she was a tomboy, and she is, but she's also a girly girl? Best way I can describe her is like Nicole from Class of '09, just slightly (and I mean SLIGHTLY) less psychotic. Yeah she's edgy as hell, acts like a dude, and is a freaking loser when you really think about it, but she still engages in traditionally feminine things like makeup and cute clothing. she also has more exes than a chain link fence and is a HOPELESS ROMANTIC

it's such a bizarre juxtaposition. I thought femcels were supposed to be like Kara Eklund (oh good heavens if only she were real). Plain white tee, doesn't care too much about their physical appearance, uses 4chan. Not exactly a social pariah but doesn't stand out in anyway. No social media. And absolutely ZERO relationship experience due to the reasons listed above. I guess that means Lulz is a fakecel (which she most definitely is) but she has this self awareness of how men act and unapologetically takes advantage of it WITHOUT putting up a mask, making her different than most other women who do the same thing. I need to see how she interacts with other people to confirm this but really, just think of Nicole from Co09 when she can tell a dude to kill himself while his mother watches and he'll still hit the "haha you're soooo funny and wild. lemme buy you some olive garden!!!".

though at the end of the day she's still tiktok alternative. yknow aesthetic pinterest boards, using weird ass esoteric symbols in usernames, posting selfies that have the same vibe as this image.



shops at shein. reposts all sorts of romance anime edits captioned "us??" featuring the most unique "will they won't they" couple known to man: brown haired loser guy and unnatural-hair-color extroverted girl. Oh, and don't forget the yaoi!!!!!! nothing wrong with all that of course, she's simply different just like everybody else!

YKnow how I am. "People are just people and you should treat them as such, no matter their gender!!!". Lulz was the first girl to show me that oh wait, you actually have to make an active effort to accost women even if they are "just like one of the guys haha!!" and you can't really just "go with the flow". You telling me that gender norms such as men making the first move... are still normalized??? I always say this but I don't care for romance AT ALL. Well, at least not enough to work towards it at least. I figured that it happens when it happens, and I still kinda believe that now. You meet a girl you're comfortable being around, you somehow end up mashing your faces together one night, and BOOM, things really continue as normal but now you two can get freaky hehe.

Not to dismiss the chemical component of love that makes you feel all fuzzy n nice when you're around your partner, but I seriously cannot imagine a romantic relationship differing too much from my best friendships because I just like my own company way too much. Well, actually, I was staying at Mink's house for a week when I came back to my hometown and we basically hung out with each other every day without it feeling exhausting... huh. Dubious implications aside, I was still pretty glad to go back to my reclusive ways by the end of it

I say all this because I initially thought that women like Lulz just weren't really into me. Like I simply wasn't their type even though we got along. Didn't care all too much because like I said above, a girlfriend to me is just a friend you can bang and I value honest friendship over being the lil spoon while getting head pats and smooches X3.

But one time, very early on in our chats, Lulz was talking about her "huzz" and said "you know you could EASILY be huzz if you tried more" and then it all clicked. Dude that actually messed me up oml. You telling me that girls COULD like-like me, but my apathy to romance and propensity towards isolation got in the way? That it wasn't just a matter of preferences (sometimes)?? That the only thing stopping women like Lulz from falling madly in love with me was that I wasn't making the first move???

The only difference between me and alt women's boyfriends were that their boyfriends simply wanted them way more than I do. and they were better looking. BUT MY GOLDEN PERSONALITY BALANCES IT OUT SO THAT'S A MOOT POINT!!!!

It was so weird dude. I had the good sense to realize that I didn't "love" Lulz or anything. And e-dating is for complete losers. And Lulz had a boyfriend at the time (an e-boyfriend. because she's a loser). But hey man, even chill cool-cats like me don't mind the idea of a emo jit obsessing over us so we can reject them all cool-like. Meeeeow.

so many weird feelings in my head, so I just told Lulz about em in a half-joking, half serious way. Asked if she used evil voodoo magic to cast a love spell on me because I couldn't stop thinking about her, and if it continued I'd start barking if I heard her name blah blah normal stuff. She gets off call with her e-boyfriend (loser), calls me, asks if I want to distance myself from her for a bit because this isn't the first time a friend has "caught feelings". It's not as if I'm the type of person who finds it so PAINFUL to talk to someone I CAN'T HAVE WAHHH so I just tell her I'm not used to having friend girls who are actually cool and I am probably confusing those platonic feelings with romantic ones. She leaves. And I'm just sitting there feeling like the biggest chump in the world.

I'm glad I was honest, I guess. Didn't want that weirdness to develop into resentment anytime she talked about other guys or whatever. IDK I never wanted to date her and didn't even see this as a "confession"; I was just confused and wanted to voice my thoughts. In fact, knowing that I didn't actually view her as a potential romantic partner yet still couldn't stop thinking about her after she said that is what caused all this in the first place. But I felt like those dudes that chronically online girls complain about on TikTok who fall in love after talking for 2 days because they're lonely bums and it left a heavy weight in my stomach. You know the feeling.

This incident didn't affect anything and honestly I don't think she even remembers it but I still think of it and die of cringe. Like even though I know why I did what I did, it doesn't SEEM that way, and that perception others would have is what makes me cringe.

welp, finally got that out. I spend SO MUCH TIME setting things up that I'm never able to actually talk about what I want to talk about in these damn logs. Next log will be about the Lulz situation that's bothering me CURRENTLY so don't worry bbg :)