MY LIFE|

We're all losers here, well, except for him

05/26/25

You ever been in a competition where you and whoever you're competing with are both complete losers while a guy who has NO IDEA that the competition even exists is blowing you all out of the water? Winning in a game that they don't even know they're playing. Crazy.

As much as this guy Red would deny it, he definitely treats this like a competition. And it's over a person, let's call em Rammy. Would say it's a classic tale of fighting for a fine maidens love, as first historically seen in Twilight. But we have completely different versions of winning. For me, I don't even like them like that, and a victory is actually getting messaged first. For him, hm, lemme put this in Yakuza terms. Yakuza 3 Kanda QTE scene.

My desire comes from actually finding them interesting. His desire comes from actually finding them "interesting"... and seeing em as an oven for his baby batter. Cook at 98 F for well like 3 seconds he ain't lasting that long I'm sorry man

Anywho, I would usually keep this to myself (mostly because Red said he'll ruin me if I said anything about his lustful intentions). BUT ONCE AGAIN HE'S TRYING TO ONE UP ME. He sent me some stupid screenshot of his "game" earlier. Lemme summarize it for you real quick

text_exchange

Can't say I'm any better, though…

Alpha Wolf Sigma Incident of 2025

You can clearly see we both major league suck at talking to people we want to get to know better. It feels like this at times to be real:

log001comic

The green one is Rammy. The red guy is...come on man. The jaundice guy, that's Scotty, call him Scott for short. He's my bestest fwiend in the whole world. He's Red's gweatest opp in the whole world. Oh, and he's Rammy's ex-boyfriend. They are still on friendly-ish terms though. Well not really but RAMMY SENDS HIM REELS AND GAY PORN!!! LIKE WTF MAN THE AMOUNT OF YURI AND YAOI I WOULD LOVE TO SEND TO PEOPLE BUT THEY'LL FIND ME "quite offputting" and "queer at times". Whatever dude fuck man shit man fuck man fuck.

Scott's the guy who WAS winning without even trying, and then fumbled home plate after getting a touchdown whatever insert lame "I don't watch SPORTS LOL" joke here. He uh kinda uh cheated on them. GOD DAMN IT MAN ONE JOB!! There was a time where everytime I remembered that I fell to my knees and weeped COME ON. Like I said before, they're surprisingly still "friends", as in they talk from time to time. I'm being hard on the guy but he's actually shown a lot of growth since the incident and is trying to do better, which is honestly enough for me to forget about it and move on.

Look, look. I know that Rammy's a person and not a prize to be won I completely get that. In fact, that's how I see them first and foremost; a cool person who shares some of my interests. It's just feels weird talking to them knowing that

  1. they're my best friends ex, so I can't help but feel like I'm sliding in even after explaining to Scott my intentions

  2. my complete horndog of a friend is also talking to em (and honestly has the advantage since they actually shared a class together and have hung out before)

  3. I never actually talked to them in person (we had different schedules, ok???? What, taking all APs and Honors in high school is bad now, huh? You anti-intellectual PHILLISTINE)

  4. ...and I only can really text them, which I absolutely despise.

  5. I initiate every single conversation

  6. A secret sixth reason that will be revealed with time >:)
Like knowing that I can be out here just trying to have friendly conversation as friends platonically, and Red is doing the exact same thing but romantically just makes me feel WEIRD MAN. Like there's no difference between us and our intentions when THERE VERY CLEARY IS!!!

This log has gone on long enough. What should I do, gang? And don't say some BS like "wah they don't owe you their attention, wah talk to someone who also finds you cool wahhh" SHUT UP, I'M AWESOME AND IT SHOULD BE A PRIVELEGE TO TALK TO ME! PRESIDENTS AWARD OF HONOR TYPE BEAT!! THEY JUST DON'T REALIZE IT YET!!!

sorry I kind of blew my top there. I guess I should probably explain why I'm so fixated on talking to Rammy, huh.