I consider myself a relatively sociable guy. I'm not too afraid of starting a conversation when it's completely silent, and I can usually "fit in" with most groups. I was chill with the football kids, the brainiacs, the ethnic groups that stick together because they're the same race, the normies, the nerds. And I mean this on the individual level, since cliques don't really exist anymore in modern high school (except for asian people, they stick together like birds of a feather).

Notice how I didn't say "friends" though. Sure, I joked around with them and we even hung out after school (which is probably enough for most people to consider one a "friend"). And if I really wanted to, I like to believe I could've become pretty close with any one of these casual acquaintances. I just didn't really...feel like it. Like I said in the introduction, I'm a particular guy, so I spent a lot of time by myself doing whatever.

Though there were a select few people who I considered cool. As in, their interests and personality type were so niche that you had to be in those circles online to even exist in the same realm of whatever they're into. And THESE were the people I found most interesting and wanted to make an effort to befriend. Only one teensy weensy issue, I NEVER GOT A SINGLE CHANCE TO TALK TO THEM NATURALLY!!!

Like cheese and rice dude they simply did not exist in my world. So I usually have to go out of my way to interact with them. Another teensy weensy issue, IT'S AWKWARD AS HELL!!! Believe me I'm no social savant and have had MANY fumbles. But the social skill required to cold approach a person irl who never speaks a word and also keeps to themselves exceeds what most people are capable of (I AM NOT COPING!!!). I'm no "extrovert adopting an introvert". Rather your average neurotypical cishet black dude who wanted to talk to alternative gay neurodivergent white people.

So I thought to myself "okay, these socially anxious introverted no life chronically online quiet as a mouse type dudes SOMEHOW find themselves friends that are just like them fr interest-wise. No way it's all just chance and them getting seated next to each other. Maybe they aren't just socially anxious introverted Loser-MC-from-a-generic-romcom-anime ass guys, but rather they actively seek out people who they find interesting just like me!!! I only gotta learn how they do it, and I'll finally be apart of the cool alternative friend group!!"

Which is what leads me to Rammy. I'm gonna be real, before senior year, I only really knew them as the person Red thirsted over every single second of the day, and later as Scott's girlfriend. I talked to them ONCE during a dance to act as a wingman for Red, which went as well as you could expect. It's not until I saw them getting all chummy with someone who was the epitome of "cool" in my eyes did my interest start to pique.

The person in particular was named, let's say, Jules. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea type beat. I SWEAR UNTO YOU MY DEAR FRIEND, I'll talk more about him later. For the time being just know he was the EXACT type of person I wanted to befriend. So I see Rammy shooting it up with Jules, something I completely failed to do, and its got me thinking. I'm doing something "wrong", Rammy is doing something "right", I need to find out what. Since they're my best friend's ex and my other friend's crush, I should have enough social connection to them to ask, right?

As a sensible man, I did the sensible thing and cold approached them on Instagram with my completely anonymous account. My brain hurts from all the sensibility.

Thank goodness their account was hacked oh praise jesus our god is indeed an awesome god.

so yeah after narrowly avoiding disaster I did the exact same thing but on discord instead.

yep