Now we've come back around full circle. I even did a parallel with the title. Make video essays about my symbolism please and thank you.

It's so annoying dude. My efforts to make an honest to god friend are finally worth something, but it's with my friend's ex. I can't help but feel a little peeved at Scott for cheating knowing that we all could've been pretty decent buddies who complimented each other's interests well.



This situation is very vaguely similar to that one Daria plotline with Tom, just without all the love triangle nonsense. It feels like betrayal every time I want to talk to Rammy instead of Scott. Not because I find them "better" or "more like me" or anything, but it's just something different. Of course I'm definitely way closer to Scott you know bros before hoes and all that. It's difficult to explain man.

I've talked about this to Scott a couple of times and he's made it abundantly clear that he doesn't really care. But then I'll be busy for a couple of days and he'll say something like "You know, I was talking to [mutual friend] about where you've been and [mutual friend] said that you're probably hanging out with Rammy. You know, my ex who I'm still on friendly terms with and talk regularly to? How about that, huh?". That comment was focused more on the absurdity of our mutual friend saying that I was hanging out with Rammy rather than the actual act of me spending time with Rammy but it still makes me FEEL WEIRD.

Then you have Red and his horny jail ass trying to get with Rammy and it makes me feel even weirder. Like be honest with me, if you didn't have the context of all these logs, you would probably think I was just like Red if you heard me getting all chummy with my friend's ex AFTER they broke up. Heck, you probably think I AM like Red and I'm just coping with the "oh I just want to be friends" talk because you HATE me and guess what pal, I HATE YOU TOO

But the worst part about this whole situation is that IT'S NOT THAT DEEP. If Rammy and I were becoming best friends and spending loads of time with each other and talking on the phone laying on our stomachs with our feet in the air gossiping about girl drama then I would understand why I feel like this; that would be pretty suspicious even though my intentions are pure. IT'S NOT LIKE THAT THOUGH! We text occasionally at best and it's usually (well, always) me initiating. There's nothing to really be worried about, but the implications from our interactions created this mental block in my head that prevented me from progressing our friendship. And now I've moved away to some bum state so I'm probably never going to see them again. Great.

Maybe if Scott and Rammy broke it off on more amicable terms it wouldn't feel so strange. Maybe if I had a class with them. Maybe if I was a bit more proactive. Or maybe Rammy and I just aren't cut out for being best fwiends with each other. Maybe.

What I do know is that whatever happened, happened, and I have to accept that. Sure, I can't say I'm not a bit disappointed in how things ended between Scott and Rammy, but Scott's still my bud. Also I've properly recognized my intentions and my stupid mental block, so who's to say I can't keep messaging Rammy casually? I uh just need to add them back again on instagram…