Okay. I hope I can get my point across without sounding like a complete misandrist simp or a raging misogynist incel. Trying to be the enlightened centrist voice of reason here, though I will admit this is from a cishet male perspective.

Seems that my algorithm actually hates me and has been recommending me all sorts of "male loneliness epidemic" type videos from both sides. God where do I even start.

I do believe that society in general is getting lonelier. I believe that everyone is going through it and it's pointless to make it a suffering Olympics. I also believe, however, that it's important to acknowledge the issues on both men and women's sides of things rather than just dismiss them entirely.

As a big strong burly man myself, god DAMN it's tough out here. Especially when you lack any real positive male role model. Feels like you're being dragged in a million different directions at once and if you choose the "wrong" one, someone is going to hate you. Even if you recognize the benefits men hold and sympathize with women's struggles, the most you get is a pat on the back from Stacy while she gets dicked down by Chad. Kidding, kidding. Kinda.

I would LOVE to just hit the "well all this gender war bs exists exclusively online. I should just completely ignore it and live my life around real people". And that's what I did! I lived my life, seeing people as people first and foremost, and tried to just be myself. But I can't help but feel that as much as people hate to admit it, there is a real basis to the gender issues we've been having. And these issues have been intensified by the online discourse, because who would've guessed that people are influenced by what they see online?!?!?! When the average person spends >5 hours scrolling, there's bound to be some bleed-through between the internet and reality.

Ok, here comes the "incelspeak". My main gender issue is the lack of accountability from women, and the lack of self-respect men have. Let me explain let me explain.

I guess it would be best to start off with my own situation. I've mentioned how I don't really care for romance. It would be nice to have a girlfriend for sure, but whatever happens, happens. If I end up a KHV wizard, then alright. If my ideal 10/10 alt muscle mommy who likes everything I do confesses her love to me the day after I publish this, then that's also alright. The reason I'm so laidback with this stuff is because true romantic love is a very beautiful, but very rare thing. People love to pull out the "well there's 8 billion people out here, you'll find your special someone!" knowing damn well that it's total BS.

One: You're limited to people in your "immediate" area, whether that be geographically or community-wise

Two: Gets narrowed down even further because you have to be in a situation where you can interact with these people on a regular basis. Through hobby or work or whatever.

Three: You're further limited by people who share your interests, or at least vibe with you

Four: And the most important thing, THEY HAVE TO LIKE YOU BACK!!

To even get to step 2 is a statistically improbable; step 4 is nigh impossible. If you're anything close to an individual that has interests outside of consuming media, you're kind of cooked. You simply cannot force this process, it can only really happen through chance. And the people that skip step 3 are the reason we have a 50% divorce rate. Boomers that went for any pretty lass that caught their eye at the milkshake bar and getting married at 21. Youngsters talking about how their ex was the absolute devil; making you wonder "wait so did you ever actually like this fella?". Society puts romance on a pedestal. Who cares about self-actualization or having passions that make you grow as an individual? Nah, being alone is something to be feared and can only be remedied by having a significant other. And this is exactly where the problems I have begin.

Both men and women perpetuate this hyperfixation on romance. I've talked to and seen a lotta women who don't do ANYTHING. "hehe I like hanging out and bed-rotting hmu!!!" There's a plethora of men who are like this too don't get me wrong, but the major difference is that girls get a pass. These actual lobotomettes (n. female form of lobotomite) will still have lines of (mostly crappy) dudes hitting them up. Now I COMPLETELY understand how this sucks for women. Dying from thirst in the desert is just as bad as dying from drowning in the ocean. The only thing is, though, is that it seems that lobotemettes have sonic-style air bubbles in the form of actually half decent guys.

I hate to get too anecdotal here but let's take good old RED as an example. Believe it or not, Red actually had a girlfriend; let's call her Manic. Manic is immature, mentally ill, uses people as tools for emotional relief. I am not shaming her for these characteristics, but it would be unwise for a person like this to enter a relationship, right? Well she did. With Red. And as you'll expect, it was complete hell for all parties involved. Red definitely isn't perfect, but the amount of BS she pulled even had the damn school librarian telling him to stop seeing her. But Red stuck with Manic, even after she broke up with him, and complained constantly about how she'll tell him about all the dudes she was seeing.

People like Manic kinda suck and shouldn't be dating around. But guys like Red, out of fear of loneliness, still chase after 'em. These women can continue to be complete douches because there be some half decent, lonely guy willing to put up with them. And these women also seem to control the mainstream online spaces for girls. Supporting each other's toxic behaviors in rebellion of the patriarchy, while unintentionally supporting the patriarchy by getting with manipulative but good looking assholes.

This is a VERY specific subset of women. A group of crappy people who just happen to be female. But it seems that both men and women cannot look past gender. "Nice guys" complain about these lobotomettes while putting them on a pedestal. Women in general see annoying ass "Nice guys" and start applying their negative traits to every single dude out there. Normal people aren't like this - well, shouldn't be like this - but you'll be hard pressed to find them because they're either in happy relationships or are just doing their own thing. I can only think of ONE friend who has a relationship that isn't excessive limerance or pure hatred. Just a healthy romance. But since he's a lowkey fella who sees his girl as a person, he gets no recognition. No one cares unless you post about how much you obsessively love your SO or how much you hate your toxic ex.

It's especially annoying how these immature, barely developed individuals start lecturing others as if they are "superior" for having more exes than a DMX song. "It's not that hard guys!! Just be nice!!!". "You need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with another!!!". The lack of self awareness is baffling.

Couple in the halo effect, social media, hookup culture, god damn it man the dating scene is hard.

So how does this affect me, if I've opted out of romance? Well, these gender tensions also interfere with platonic bonds. Woawww you happen to meet someone who likes the same things you like? Well too bad they are a GIRL so any potential sign of affection can be misinterpreted as wanting to fuck their pussys !! Oh, and if she is moderately attractive you now have to watch out for all the nice guy orbiters who lack any self respect and will do anything for her attention. So all you can do is treat them like a normal person and hope to god that their perception of men hasn't been ruined by lobotomites. And if it doesn't work out, then that's fine. But you just can't help but wonder if you didn't vibe due to general incompatibility, or because of everything I just described above.

It can be so tiring, man. All I can do is continue to walk my own path and NEVER SETTLE. Make my platonic intentions clear from the get go. And if I do somehow catch feelings for a shawty, then TELL HER. There's so many more forms of love than just romance, man. Passion and honest to god friendship can take me way farther than a single relationship. Though I will admit, some pussy power would be nice rn…

I may write a part 2 to this explaining the societal conditions that led to the current state of affairs. But I feel pretty satisfied so erm maybe maybe not.