I have never felt so validated yet so annoyed in my life. All the social theories I have meticulously crafted on this website have been proven right, and I'm really damn happy but once again, really damn annoyed.
So this happened on Wednesday. The Game Development club was having some fundraiser at an arcade and I decided to go because why not? I know 2 logs ago I was seething like crazy but I did say I was still going to attend events because ultimately I do like what these clubs are about and there's always a chance I meet someone cool. You can probably see where this is going now, huh?
I don't have a car and I'm not used to the bus system yet, so I was going to try to carpool with some people. The club prez said that you can just pull up to the makerspace and find someone, so that's what I did. BUT THE PLACE WAS COMPLETELY EMPTY, except for some stragglers. I thought I came early so I walked around the makerspace for a bit and wow I forgot how much I liked tinkering and 3D printing. Was like a kid in a candy store "yooo they got prusas? And bambulab???? WOAW ARDUINO???". In another life, man. But when I come back there's still like 4 people and I had a feeling I wouldn't be able to get a ride. So I go up to one dude and I ask just kidding I just left.
I know I know exactly what you expected ok well maybe not lemme continue.
So here I am, just walking around campus like a bum. I wanted to do SOMETHING tonight; I already mentally prepped myself for socializing and having a good time. It would all be wasted if I went back to my dorm and played sonic riders. I checked out the flyers at the plaza, but nothing was happening TONIGHT. Crap man crapppp. I WANT TO DO SOMETHING WAHHHHH. All I could do was sit down and enjoy the night I guess. But eventually that got boring so I got up and started heading back. Another mediocre day where nothing happened greatttttt
Wait
For some damn reason I just couldn't walk back. There was this gnawing feeling in my stomach man. Like I instinctually KNEW that something was going on tonight I just had to find it. So I did one more loop around campus and LO AND BEHOLD, I saw a bunch of people gathered in a circle drinking something. The anxiety kicked in ofc I had to hype myself up "cmon man best case scenario they let you join in worst case scenario they laugh at you and you get a funny story for the website there's literally no losing you got this. GO GET EM TIGER ROAAAARRRR". Walked up to them, asked what was happening, and apparently I stumbled upon the CHINESE TEA CLUB. Had NO IDEA this existed. They were drinking matcha, which is Japanese but every Wednesday they have it so blah blah. And I somehow pulled the best case scenario; I was able to sit down and drink some tea with em…after paying 2 bucks but ay man that's nothing for a baller like me fo shizzle.
Some other guy saw me walk up so he decided to come as well. Chill guy who was ironically majoring in game development. Apparently we lived in the same dorm and put me on to the game of Clockwork they play every Friday in the dorm lobby. Holy opportunity batman.
But that's not the craziest part. Remember the cosplay club dude I was talking about 2 logs ago? The guy that I was being WAYYY too harsh on because I was peeved off about all the alternative people I talked to in high school? By sheer COINCIDENCE he was also here, chatting it up with some folks. What the hell man, like seriously what are the chances.
After awkwardly standing around for a bit, it was clear that no one was coming to save me and I had to take even MORE initiative, so I once again approached him. And I am SO GLAD I DID HOLY
This was the IDEAL setting for social interaction. We were all there for a reason, to drink tea, so it's not as if I was approaching him out of the blue (no "why are you talking to me?" debuff). But this wasn't like class or a traditional club meeting where there was something specific to focus on. So I could talk freely without feeling like I was distracting him (full conversation skill tree unlocked). Additionally, he was with his friends, so he had way more social leverage AND was more likely to be himself (x10 personality and +5 comfort). If I was a normie then that would make things harder for me, but I thrive in situations where I'm socially disadvantaged!! I got NO QUALMS about being perceived as a weirdo or seeming desperate because I AM A DESPERATE WERIDO and I'm pretty used to it by now. And I approach people solo all the time.
I should probably mention that I actually saw these guys before this encounter but after the cosplay club fiasco. There was an animation jam meeting that I just barely missed because I was watching It's Always Sunny, and while I was walking back I saw cosplay club dude (actually, he deserves a name now. Let's call him… Ari…yeah) Ari with his jam group. I asked them if they could lead me to where the slideshow was posted, they said it was on the discord, I left, then I came back because I couldn't find it, so they just sent me it yada yada. So when I talked to them now, they obviously asked me about the animation jam and all that jazz. I ain't gonna do it ima be real I'm simply too busy performing research and investing and grinding and yes.
Had some basic small talk about our majors yada yada then I asked for the letterboxd. Mans said he was a movie guy so I knew for a fact he would have one. And he did. And that's where things got interesting. Bro was just like me… for real. Like god damn maybe I'm getting too ahead of myself but these were my PEOPLE, or at least the closest thing I had to my people. They caught all my references, I caught most of theirs. Ari loved Kiki's Delivery Service which is my FAVORITE GHIBLI FILM AND FRANKLY FAVORITE ANIMATED FILM OF ALL TIME. We were…we were… we were actually VIBING. Oh good heavens it was amazing.
Oh, there's two of 'em by the way. Ari and a girl I actually don't know the name of. She's actually the one who sent me the animation jam slideshow and yknow she had the yt channel linked to her discord so yknow had to take a lil peep yknowwwww. Yeah she also just like me fr. But like 2D rather than 3D and uh my mic sounds better and uh my B-roll is more interesting and uh yeah. I'm playyyyyinnnggg.
I'm just annoyed about how right I was man. This whole sequence of events was jumpstarted by complete chance. If I didn't have that weird feeling that I was missing out on something that night, I never would've talked to these guys in depth. And while I did "put myself out there" and actually try to socialize, you still need opportunity, and it can take a long long while for that opportunity to come. I'm just wondering how long it would have taken it I didn't get lucky that day, or even vice versa: all the opportunities I missed because I left 5 minutes too early or decided to stay home. Eh, it's best not to think about it. If it was supposed to happen, it will happen. And if not, it's not gonna happen. Determinism in a nutshell.
Once again, it's like 80% luck and 20% effort when it comes to socializing. Heck, for life in general. You can slightly improve your chances through observation and trying more, but you can also just not try at all and have literally everything you want through sheer luck.
I wish that was acknowledged more in mainstream discourse man. I want to hear "hey most of the time it's not going to work out because of factors outside of your control and you're allowed to admit that without being seen as a whiny pissbaby!!! It sucks balls and you are valid in feeling disheartened!!! But at the end of the day you still have to try, and that is enough to make you valuable as a human being!!" rather than "lol well I have no issues at all so you obviously must be doing something wrong incel loser insert buzzword here. Of course I'm still miserable but at least I'm not as miserable as you hahahahaha pull yourself up by the bootstraps". Like can we just admit that some people get worse hands in life than others, but we get to choose the game we want to play? And it's okay to opt out of a game that isn't working out in favor for one that is? That we can't just will our ideal life into existence and have to do the best with what we got??? GOD DAMN MAN
Anywho, I'm glad that I was able to win the lottery at least once. Sure, I probably had to try way more than some people but that's life. Apparently Ari and, well I guess I'll call her Comical, are sophomores. And Comical was the Tenna chick I saw at the cosplay club. And they've been friends for at least a year. So yeah I completely misread the situation (para. 11-13). Now I shall watch Sinners and talk to Ari about it. Jolly good show.