AUGHHHHH IT'S ONE STEP FORWARD TWO STEPS BACK I SWEAR TO GOD. I just came back from my chemistry lab. I'm a math major. I hope that explains why I'm taking a chemistry lab, because I got nothing more to add.

I even took the AP exam back in high school, but since I got a 4, I was only able to skip Gen Chem 1. So I'm coming into Chem 2 with NO KNOWLEDGE on how the class is conducted since I skipped Chem 1, but I've been able to adjust pretty quickly...ish. I was able to slide into a lab group early on and we're actually the three stooges oh my god. I, obviously, don't give a rat's ass about chemistry since I'm a MATH MAJOR. And honestly I can be a bit of a dunce at times. I find myself understanding completely what we have to do and why we're doing it, but I be doing things in the most inefficient way ever. Like instead of filling up all the test tubes one chemical at a time, I will fill one test tube with all the chemicals we need, then do the same with the next, and the next. Got the efficiency of a solar panel that's only on at night.

My lab mates take a bit to understand what we're doing, and honestly we all flop around like fish while performing the experiments, constantly saying "man I don't know" and "I thought so, but guess not". But they chill dudes. I asked them if they wanted to hang out after class but I got shafted with some bs excuse. Talking about some "nothing's open and we're actually roommates so we were just going to head back to our dorm" grrrr they just didn't want to talk to me I get it. I even showed my power level by saying that our goggle-imprints look like Geto's forehead scar from JJK and they laughed!!! GRRRRR it's me against the world.

that's besides the point. Today I noticed a girl I haven't seen before. Gonna be honest, I initally noticed her because she was uh

kinda

uh

cute

but you know me!!! I ain't the type of guy to talk to people just because I find them attractive. I be walking past super models all the time man I'm desensitized. What especially caught my eye were her SHOES. I've found a commonality between all the people I end up befriending. They all wear cool shoes. Most people wear generic running shoes, af ones/jordans, Birkenstocks, or those weird caramel slippers that look WAY too soft for practical use. But she wore these platform all star chuck taylors (I think; they had a star on the front of the shoe which I haven't seen before...)

Lemme give you the next lesson in socializing. Gyro Zeppeli type beat. The people who wear Chuck Taylor's and Vans are the ones I look out for. Because those shoes show an effort to maintain a specific appearance, but they're still casual enough for functionality. It's impossible to get a good read on the people who just put on whatever combination of basketball shorts, graphic tees, and running shoes because they don't really care about what they wear as long as it covers em up. Which is completely valid, and these guys can be chill as hell too, but once again impossible to tell until you talk to them.

Then you got the more alternative/mainstream types who care way more and dress in a very specific style that you ALWAYS SEE. And yes, that ironically goes for the alternative peeps as well. For the mainstream types, imagine socks n birkenstocks, washed out jeans/jorts, a sweater/oversized tee, and a gold chain. The alt types are honestly real similar just add some sort of dyed hair, replace the chain with bracelets and substitute in black boots and a band shirt. It's literally all just based in Y2K tbh. And fill in the blanks for women I'm not writing all that. Of course there is variability and I don't say this to act as if I'm SO MUCH BETTER than these NORMIES. But I've learned that these guys are just too "cool" (or more so, conventional) for me and they already got their cool groups. The shoes don't matter as much but ay they still play a part!!

Chucks/Vans are the perfect balance. Just enough to show that you have some sort of personal style, but it's not all consuming. They definitely lean alt, and you can see a lot of alt people repping them, but it's countered with more "normal" clothes like jeans and graphic tees and the sort. Basically I see it as a sign that you got more to talk about than just school.

You may be asking how I dress? nice try buddy you ain't going to steal my drip today (literally the exact same as in the videos, just replace the purple with black). But it's definitely more "alternative". In fact, despite all my shade, I AM ALTERNATIVE!!! Like for me, alternative is literally anything that's outside the status quo, and the reason I have issues with "alternative" people is because I feel like they simply assign themselves to another status quo. Then when you have people like me, who can't really fit cleanly into a particular box, you're SOL. I can't assimilate well enough with the mainstream, and I also can't assimilate with the alt types. I can deal with being outside the norm, I'm used to that. It just sucks when you have other people who are also "outside the norm" still following another norm, just a more chronically online, colorful, homeless-looking one.

Anywho. Thus far, my shoe hypothesis has been proven correct. The green jacket dude (I'll call him, ED. Esports Demon. or erectile dysfunction you choose) wore vans. Monster girl wore Chucks (I actually have an update to that situation. next log trust). There has to be a correlation, which means there is a causation!! It's statistics 101!!!

Another thing that drew me to her was that she was new, just like me. We're halfway into the semester and I haven't seen her until last week. Then, of course, the ever inexplicable concept of "vibes" topped off the interest concoction. Maybe I could invite her to our group! An hour and a half of just talking (...and doing the lab but who cares about all that) ooo boy perfect opportunity just perfect.

yeah nah apparently the prof decided to put her in the group literally RIGHT NEXT TO MINE. and she split the group up, too. So it went from 4 in total to 2 in each. Holy I was seething so hard. lucky BASTARD. and they were operating in complete silence the whole time! If that was me oh my lord she would've been ENAMORED with my intricate retelling of when I got gravy soup and was surprised that soup broth was gravy and tried to eat it but the texture was so gross that I just threw it away and then went to 7/11 to get an ice cream sandwich and yeah. ENAMORED I SAY!!!

But there was still hope. She finished up slightly before I did (after telling her lab BASTARD that she was going to send him some of the work. grrrrr good things happen to bad BASTARDS CURSE HIM!! CURSE HIM!!!!). She was heading right to my dorm, so it wouldn't be too out of the way. I somehow was able to catch up with my skateboard even though I took the opposite exit. I was right behind her man, just about to ask "hey did you transfer in? I'm also new to all this chemistry stuff!!". Even put my hand up and everything. But I just couldn't freaking do it god damn it.

You would think by now that this would be second nature. I've done this like 6 times by now, ever since sophomore year of high school. But I still get caught up in my own damn head. Like the worst that could happen is that she could be disinterested and then I could move on! It's just that she's a girl that I found cute. Which means other guys probably find her cute. And those other guys may approach the exact same way I do now with the intention of asking her out! Which I'm NOT trying to do, but how does she know? So I automatically assume that she's not going to be interested because she thinks I'm just like all the other guys sigh.

If she were a dude I would have no issues at all. Maybe I should just imagine that I'm talking to Terry Crews?

It's so annoying how you can know better, how you can tell yourself time and time again that it doesn't matter, yet you still can't fully believe it. Even after experiencing PROOF that it's not like that most of the time. Why must the subconscious mind torment me so?

Like I've heard so many stories about girls not realizing a guy liked them. Red has a plethora of those stories actually. But I guess I've also heard that girls can tell instantly... almost as if girls are people and people are different, huh. It shouldn't even matter, since I'm only looking for friends out here. I'm telling you I would be the best male bestie ever, like not to the point where I'm "one of the girls hehe" but yknow like idk Abed from Community or Economos from Peacemaker those are the weirdest examples I could've used sorry.

And since I am the luckiest guy ever, spring break is coming up. So next week is my last chance to talk to her before we gone for a week. I swear this ALWAYS HAPPENS. I'm so hyped for break, then suddenly school becomes exciting RIGHT BEFORE IT COMES. I can't even daze through the week because I have to lock in on my midterms. Writing did help channel my anxious excitement, though, so the wait should be a bit more bearable.

One last thing. She had My Melody and Toothless plushies on her backpack, which reminded me of hello kitty girl. And heheh HK is a prettttttyyyyy big fan of me now. She actually asked when the next video is coming out, and SHE COMMENTED ON IT!!! keep this on the low but I felt so warm and fuzzy that whole day. if only I was still in my hometown... well she's moving to the UK this summer so it wouldn't even matter but oh gee it would've been nice. anyway I now consider Sanrio to be my good luck charm when it comes to socializing, so TRUST man. I swear that I WILL talk to her no matter what!! And I'll tell you all about it!!! Believe it!!!!